I astralled to our meeting place, but H was already there. As I popped back in, H’s only sign of surprise was the sudden widening of his eyes – mentally I praised his professionalism.
“A.” he greeted me. I wondered if he would always call me by the first letter of my nom de guerre.
“H. What do you have for me?” I said more quickly and crisply than I intended. Inside I remained furious at Boynton’s assassination.
H looked at me for a moment, then he came to a decision. “Not as much as you might like, but a lot more than you had. There’s a grey ops group of some kind that operates out of a building at 3101 Cathedral Ave, right here in DC. My sources say you might find Archangel there. So what are you going to do, walk into the place, announce yourself, and demand the truth?”
I laughed. “I think I’ll get further by astralling over there and invisibly spying on what they’re up to.”
H cocked his head to the side. “You can do that? Watch and listen to anyone? Can you be detected?”
“Unless someone can detect souls themselves, no.” I answered.
H paused thoughtfully, then nodded.
“You were right, of course.” I added “About people watching my house. They seemed all ‘grey ops’, probably the same organization. I booked it out of there, leaving everything behind. Don’t suppose you could set me up with a new ID?”
H again paused a moment before answering, “Possibly. Do you think the information I found for you has value? If so, as per our agreement, I think this is the time for my questions.”
“Certainly – as I recall, you said they would not be questions about my powers, but questions about my ‘character and intentions’, I think you put it. Please, ask them.”
This time H did not hesitate. “Will you kill Archangel when you find him? Is that your method, to find those you deem worthy of death, and then deliver it?”
I wanted to honor my part of our deal properly, so I didn’t answer immediately, trying to be as sure as I could about my answer before I gave it. “I guess the first thing I should say in answer to any questions on these topics is that I’ve only had seven days to confront such things. I’m still very much figuring out what kind of Quantum I want to be. So any answers I give today are likely to be a work in progress, just to be clear and honest.”
H nodded appreciatively.
I went on, “I don’t know what I will do when I confront Archangel. I think I will tend to figure these things out case-by-case. But what you really want to know, I think, is just how murder-happy I am. The truth is, I’m not. I don’t like that fact that I’ve killed people. Even the assassin I killed, doesn’t make me happy. Well, that’s not exactly true, I do feel a certain grim satisfaction in turning the tables on him. But the thought that I ended his life still kind of gives me the willies.
“Listen, as it so happens I’ve spent my entire adult life trying to investigate and understand stuff like morality, and as far as I can see, there are two base categories: those who try to be virtuous people and follow a moral code, and those who judge morality by the results of their choices. I call this the “be good or do good” choice.
“I would much rather do good for others than pursue being called a good man. Others can vilify me for doing terrible things, but if those terrible things make the world a better place – and if, to the best of my knowledge, a less terrible thing would not have been enough – then I will make that choice and figure out how to live with myself later.”
Having paid close attention to me throughout, H now asked, “So your motivation is selfless? Your goal is to make the world a better place? For all?”
“I don’t believe that anyone’s motivation is ever selfless,” I answered, “even so-called altruists do what they do for self-motivated reasons, like to be loved by others, or because helping others makes them feel good, or because they are simply driven to be the kind of person who helps others and supporting that self-image is a top priority for them. There are many reasons to do good things, but none of them are selfless – selflessness doesn’t exist, no matter how ‘good’ you are.”
“Thank you professor” laughed H, but not unkindly.
I grinned back at him. “So I do think about these things – I always have. There’s this other quote I really like, which I will probably mangle, something like this: ‘When bad things happen, if you haven’t done your best to prevent them, it’s on you.’ I think that’s it, more or less. I hit the jackpot of jackpots with my powers. But what’s the point in me even having them if I don’t use them to make things better?”
“I caught your GWB action earlier.” replied H, “Is that how you are going to make things better, rescuing people in peril?”
I shook my head. “Whenever I can do something like that, that’s great, but what I really want to do is fight all the injustices of the world. There no reason that life has to be this hard for any of us, and we humans should definitely not be making each other’s lives harder. The whole world is a chamber-pot of pain. People with powers never take on that challenge in fiction – they fight villains, or save people from collapsing bridges,” I smiled, “but never do they go after the system itself. Never do they say, ‘I don’t care what’s popular, I don’t even care what’s legal, but injustice is not acceptable!’ I want to make the world a better, happier place – and I probably think I’m going to have to upset a lot of people to do it.”
H retorted, “Sounds like you’ll be coming into direct conflict with law enforcement, with governments, possible even the democratic will of the people itself.”
“The least harm for the most good – whatever it takes.” I evenly replied.
More softly, H said, “But despite your powers, you are only human. What happens if you make a mistake?”
“I know.” I asserted intensely, “I am going to make mistakes, despite my best efforts, and they will probably be utterly tragic ones. But far more tragic would be to do nothing.”
“So your goal is to take over and rule the planet then? You’re in charge?” H said this so matter-of-factly it sent chills down my spine, but I held firm.
“That is far from my goal, but if that’s what it takes to achieve my real goal, I’ll do it.” was my comeback. And in that moment, I realized that it was true. Then the enormity of what I had just said I would be willing to take on if necessary hit me.
I looked down at my feet and took a deep breath, then another. “I’m in way over my head, but I meant what I said. I’m not backing down. It’s up to me. I had better take this as slow as I can. And I’m going to need guidance and advice.” I looked back up at H. “Want a job?” It was only after I asked that I discovered I wasn’t really joking.
“Sure, what’s it pay?”
“Umm, nothing to start, with a 5 percent raise every year.” I offered. I knew H would get the jest.
“It’s a good thing you’re not the only one who likes to make decisions based on the kind of person you want to be. If I’m on the team, I have three pieces of starting advice: first, as you said, we need to get you a new, clean ID. Second, we need to round out the team with a few more people we can absolutely trust who can bring diverse expertise and perspectives. Third, once we have a good starting line-up, we should meet and come up with at least a rough outline of what we’re going to do.”
“You’re not at all kidding, are you?” I asked.
“Nope.”
“Well… how about Professor Lund for the team?”
H nodded. “If you’ll permit, let me think about him for a bit, but I think that could work very well.”
“Oh, H?” I said. “I should probably make clear right from the start that the whole reason I am doing this is to fight against the injustices I see. I other words, I think the team sounds like a great idea to help me make sure I am not making regrettable mistakes, but I’m not looking for people to vote on what I’m doing, if you get my meaning.”
H chuckled. “I get it, the team works for you, not the other way around. Couldn’t be any other way, A, not really. But you would be best served with any team if you keep them well-informed and then really listen deeply to the advice they have to offer. Then you can make whatever decisions you are so moved to do, with confidence.”
“I couldn’t agree more. So how do I get a new ID?”
“Let me set that up, meet back here in 24 hours?” H asked.
“Done and done. Now I have some spying to do.”
“Good hunting, A.” H nodded farewell, and I astralled back to my room.
Time to find Archangel – and stop any more Quantum assassinations!